thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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