By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
