based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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