Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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