That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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