We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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