so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
