your parents love me but you hate me
why didn't you poke me back
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
