i don't like sucking hair
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
