did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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