capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
