hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
