how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
