You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
