Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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