So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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