the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
