Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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