I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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