The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
