Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
