Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
