I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
