She is in my trunk
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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