fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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