hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
