Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
