Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
