Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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