Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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