There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
