Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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