If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
