think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
