you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
