Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
