I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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