NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
