well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
