Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
