Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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