I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hippo gnu deer
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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