my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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