i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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