Me too!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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