were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
