Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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