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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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