drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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