She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
