And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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