I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
