Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize