belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
