so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
