Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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