We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
