I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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