I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
