True but thats because hes a fetus.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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