I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
