all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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