i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
