Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
