The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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