I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
