Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
