Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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