He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
