Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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