Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
