mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize