ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
