I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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