oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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