ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
