There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
