No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
