somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
